Lesson #3 Living with a Boy is Gross

This one just makes me laugh. It is very gross, but not nearly as gross as I would’ve assumed.

I say living with a boy is gross, but Jacob is one of the cleanest men I have ever met. He is more worried about how the clothes are folded than I have EVER been and he always does the dishes and laundry. Well, I say he does the laundry… he puts it in the washer and dryer, but waits a week or so to fold it (but not before it goes back into the dryer 3 more times to get the wrinkles out.. Ha!) On the flip side, I am just as guilty as letting it sit there simply because I don’t want to do it. Haha!

I am very grateful that my husband does not mind helping keep a clean home, yet that does’t mean it’s always clean. He tends to trim his beard over the bathroom sink and not rinse it out and I tend to eat and not rinse my plate off – we do this often.

I didn’t realize the addition of messiness when adding just one person into a home.. I think it quadruples the dishes and laundry somehow, but I am not 100% positive. I am sure he feels the same way about me. I am not saying he doesn’t do his share – because he does and while he’s at it usually does my half of the share as well.

It’s just wild. Plus he is much more open about bodily functions than I was ever allowed to be. It’s a whole new world learning about them all and why you choose to ‘express’ yourself when are where you do!

But guess what? At the end of the day, none of it matters. Not the wrinkly clothes, not the dirty dishes or the hair in the sink. All that matters is that we love each other day in and day out and have fun while doing so!

All my love,


Lesson #2. What’s mine is his and what’s his is mine.

First off.. Can I just take a moment and tell you how great my husband is?

Today, I came home to all the laundry done and all the dishes finished. I am beyond grateful as we have both been stressed and overwhelmed by the clutter-y house. We work totally different hours and I recently went back to school. I work the normal 8-5 and spending most of my evenings studying and doing homework, and he works 1:30pm to 10pm, but rarely gets home before midnight so he spends a lot of the day sleeping. Therefor, it’s the small victories like getting the dishes done and the laundry OUT of the dryer before a week passes and have to wash the same clothes over again! HA!


Learning that the word “mine” is no longer a word we use in our daily lives other than our toothbrushes – of course – and such, has been a weird thing to learn. You would THINK it would be easy, but both of us came from a home with a sibling close in age. This meant t-shirt were not shared, we had our own rooms, certain foods we liked more than our sibling did so when it came time to share with our siblings, it was a war. At least in my house; my brother HATED it when I used to wear his T-shirts, but they were SO much better than my 50.


Though we fought over t-shirts,
Brother is still a pretty cool cat.

I don’t know how many times Jake has gotten something out of the refrigerator and I’ve said “hey that’s my…. insert yummy food here!” I usually catch myself, and tell him he is welcome to it. It’s too late at that point, he knows my heart’s intent was to definitely not share – no less, let him HAVE – my yummy food or drink.

I have come to a strange, yet wonderful realization. He has just as much ownership of my heart as I do.

When I said “I do” to Jacob, I really said “Here’s my heart, I trust you to take care of it, and me. Here’s my life, my dreams and my failures, they are just as much yours as they are mine.”

What that also means is that I vowed to share the last piece of blackberry cobbler I made for HIM, the yummy Starbucks coffee I bought for ME because I am in too big of a rush in the mornings to make my own, fresh coffee and to share the blankets even when my feet and fingers are freezing.

What’s his is mine and what’s mine is his. That’s all there is to it, in everything.

Also, please note, we do have things we do that are “our own.” He is not with me 24/7. I can treat myself to Starbucks without him and not feel bad (even though, sometimes I do feel bad for it, ha!), but I also remember to not be selfish when it comes to material things or my heart for that matter.

As always thanks for stopping by! I would love if you shared some of your biggest lessons in marriage so far!

With Love,
Erin Vandiver

A Full Year of Lessons

Just a month ago, Jake and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary! YAY! I have learned to much in this past year, it is actually kind of sad. I never would guessed that I knew so little about myself, my husband and marriage in general. This journey has been incredibly difficult, but incredibly beautiful all in the same breath.


Daily, I challenge myself to see the little lessons I can learn from my own marriage, other’s marriages and from the Lord. One of the greatest desires of my heart – for as long as I can remember – is to be a Godly, god-fearing and loving wife to a man that my future children would call Daddy. My heart consistently yearns to grow closer to the Lord and to love the Lord so that I am able to love my husband as I was created to and will forever desire to do.

My heart is to challenge men and women, who recently got married, who are about to embark on this beautiful journey or those who just want to learn for future reference, to keep pushing through. The burning flame inside of you quickly begins to dim and sometimes you can’t feel it at all. Why? Because love is a choice – an action. I choose to love Jake every morning when I wake up or even when I trip over the laundry he left in the floor. Actually, that never (just) happened! Reminding myself of some of the lessons I have learned over the past year, has given me the ability to choose love daily.


I have listed a few of the many lessons I have learned in the past year. Most lessons were from trial and error, but some were subtle whispers from my Abba Father. Over the next couple weeks, I will post an explanation, logic behind my madness and some fun stories to share with you.

1. I have to love myself before I can truly allow my husband to love me.

2. What’s mine is his and what’s his is mine.

3. Living with a boy is gross

4. Even though I know my husband always thinks I am beautiful, I should never let myself slack

5. Our relationships with the Lord always look different and that is just fine

6. Fighting only the battles that are worth fighting

7. Speaking life into my husband, daily

8. Creating closeness with my husband is not always about deep, heart-filled or emotional conversations



If there are any questions or anything you would like further explanation of, please don’t hesitate to comment below! Also, if there are some more lessons I could learn, let me know! I am constantly working to be the best wife I possibly can!

As always, thank you so much for stopping by, let me know you did and say hello!

With Love,
Erin Vandiver